I think the word by itself is suitable. Marriage. That is a sentence. That is a statement. That is a paragraph. It is so powerful. I would guess that marriage is one of the prime movers in the world. This idea dictates alot of the choices that people make. I see alot of unhappy people that are married. My observations thus far into life and into my own marriage have taught me that people aren’t unhappy about the companionship, but the choices they make because they are in a companionship.
What I’ve seen is that people (myself included) choose to ‘do things for the other person’. They do it at the sacrifice of their own interests and they think it is the ‘saintly’ thing to do. That is self-deception. Everything you have done, now do, and will do is done because you want to do it. You may think it is done because of fear of loss, rejection, to avoid a fight, etc… but self interest governs in life, and in marriage. You do what you want to do. If you don’t want to do something you may do it half-assed or complain while you do it, but you do it because you want to. Maybe you married someone who doesn’t consider you as much you’d like? Well you married them, and why don’t you get their self interest involved? Incentivize them to do things you like for their own benefit as well as yours. Incentivize yourself likewise.
An example from my life: I told my wife I would not go to a concert involving a country singer because I would not enjoy it. I told her I would NOT enjoy it so much so that she would not enjoy it. So I didn’t go and she had a great time. Another concert came and she decided to go with me. It was an indy rock band and she wasn’t too excited. Well she went and wanted to leave early. She politely offered to go wait in the car but I didn’t want to have her sit in the car in the city that we were in. So we left early. I was bugged but I wanted to be a gentleman. She didnt enjoy the show at all and it did effect me.
Conclusion: Get both parties self-interest involved and happiness and fun will inevitably follow. Show each other your self-interest and you will find ways to get both satisfied. It is called enlightened self-interest when you have the other persons self-interest being fulfilled on a level close to your own. Magical things happen when self-interest is discovered and used accordingly. Try it on. Leave a post if you disagree.
